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How to make pasta carbonara.
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1. The guanciale
Cut it into cubes and let it crisp slowly in a cold pan brought to heat. No bacon, no pancetta if you can help it. Guanciale is non-negotiable, much like your plan's renewal date.
2. The eggs and the pecorino
Four yolks, one whole egg, and a snowfall of pecorino romano, beaten into a thick paste. The creaminess comes from eggs, never cream. Cream in carbonara is a crime and we do not support crime.
3. The spaghetti
Salted water, al dente, no oil in the pot. Before draining, steal a cup of the starchy water. That liquid gold is your emulsion's best friend.
4. The marriage
Off the heat, always off the heat. Hot pasta goes into the egg paste, toss fast, splash in pasta water until it turns glossy. Low latency, high stakes, zero scrambling. You get one shot at this step.
5. Serve immediately
Black pepper on top, cracked loud enough to hear. Eat it standing over the pan like a person with no logging policy, because what happens in the kitchen stays in the kitchen.
Total: about 20 minutes and zero crypto.
The only transaction here was between you, the pan, and the pasta. For the kind you pay in Oxapay, that button still works.